Mar 13, 2010 • Since we’ve started going through the stories people are submitting via email and phone over the past week, some have really stuck out. Here is an excerpt of an entry by Christina Knaak, who writes about her son, who lives with cerebral palsy:
“On each step of our journey, we have encountered so many wonderful, caring people. Yes, we have a son with CP and someday Jordan might actually care that he walks different from his peers. But right now, his biggest concern is finding his Polar Express CD. It is a debt of gratitude that we have for all of those who could see the cool kid that Jordan is and not just the disability that Jordan has. To me, that is true CARING!”
Reading her story about Jordan made me think about how one part of caring is all about seeing each other–not looking past each other but seeing each other and the human dignity that each of us really posseses. Maybe this is one way for us to measure caring in Deepwell. Who do we truly see for the cool people that they are? Who do we miss?
The stories people have submitted so far are pretty interesting…You’ll see all the stories that have been sent in so far, when we post them on http://www.rubysbequest.org starting on the 16th. These people are really provoking me to ask some touchy questions–Who do we see and who do we miss? Who do we look past in Deepwell? Maybe one of those people was Ruby–or someone related to her?
What do you guys think?
madelynsain, thanks for sharing the story Christina Knaak sent in about her son Jordan. I’m eager to read more of them on the 16th.
Asking about who we see and who we miss reminded me of a conversation I had just a week ago about people we know of through friends in other states who have agoraphobia and rarely or never go outside. It’s especially easy to miss such people because we simply do not see them. I think that while we’re talking about caring, they should be part of the equation. If they are in PA and NY, I have to believe they are in my city and in Deepwell, too. Do you Deepwellians know of anyone like that?
Tresbien – It’s not agoraphobia, but one of my best friends from high school’s younger sister has an eating disorder. She’s been so ill with it that she’s had to be hospitalized since she was 11 years old. Her parents just can’t afford to provide the kind of care she needs at home or even here in Deepwell, so she’s been away most of the time for years. It’s easy to miss someone like that.
Mental illness can make people invisible sometimes.
But I will see that she’s not there at high school graduation like she should be this year. I see everywhere she’s supposed to be all the time but isn’t…
I learned this word from some teenage girls I ended up chatting with in the airport in Chicago: Hikikomori (I hope I spelled it right). These are people who deliberately shut themselves away. The girls knew someone like that and they all totaly understood why people would do that, but I confess I had trouble then and it’s still hard for me to understand completely.
Okay here it is in Wikipedia: hikikomori.
Sometimes it’s hard to see people for who they are when it’s easier to see them for what they are. For example, I’ve had experience working in a casino, where I saw many people as problem gamblers, rather than for who they are, and in that situation, it was easier to simply see them as the stereotype than as the individual person.
Caring for someone forces you to see the person, not the persona. And that’s not always the easiest thing.
Hannah, I’ll pray for your friend’s sister’s recovery from her eating disorder. A friend of mine got help and got well, graduated from medical school, and went on to become a psychiatrist. She considers it a lifelong issue but deals with it one day at a time. There is hope and I think it’s important to talk about that, too, while discussing these serious issues.
Etta, I’d never heard of hikikomori before your post. Thanks for providing the link. I’m trying to wrap my brain around that one as well. A boy who’s the song of an acquaintance started high school this year. He’s exceedingly bright and handsome but is smaller than most of the other boys. He’s been picked on and assaulted twice. But for his strong family support and cooperation of the school authorities, I could see a child like that wanting to withdraw. Early on there were discussions about how to deal with the situation so as not to make it worse. I do believe the positive action and caring for him have made the difference.
I work as a test prep tutor for a local high school, and most of the kids referred to me are considered “high risk” of not attending college (English-as-a-second-language students, kids whose parents didn’t attend college, immigrant children, etc). It’s so hard to look at these kids and NOT see the individual beauty they bring. They have defied every preconception I held, except for one: they all slip through the cracks. Administrators don’t have the resources or initiative to help them, and teachers don’t have the time. The system looks past them.
It’s frustrating to me, personally, because I’m with them for such a short time. One of my students had a severe learning disability which affected his reading, and he had gone 18 years without being diagnosed. I only had him for four weeks, and did what I could; but I’m afraid I wasn’t enough to make up for the collective failure of his school.
These people are really provoking me to ask some touchy questions
Hiya maddie. I think I finally figured out what my topic is going to be to go along with everyone else’s. so thank you very much for the inspiration. I think it will be good. I hope so. I will make sure to let Etta know, too, before she gets frowny.
Jonathan – With all this talk of caring, I’ve been thinking alot about who is being overlooked in Deepwell. I hadn’t thought about gambling addicts. Shame on me.
beinglucas, there’s no shame to be had as none of us can think of everyone’s every need. But together, as a community, we can make good progress toward finding solutions to the challenges that face us.
I suspect that’s what the mysterious Ruby had in mind. Her gift–the real gift–is that she started something that opened eyes and minds and hearts and brought all of us closer. It’s from that spirit that we want to give. And that will make us truly rich.
[…] the occasional bit of news about the bequest. Most of it is mundane I guess, but some of it I find quite profound. It’s all in reverse chrono order, so best if you start with the oldest posts and work your […]